theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
