Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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