I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm determined to sit on that face.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
