I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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