Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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