my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
