i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
