My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
