just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
