Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
