I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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