I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
