I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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