I think I am morally bankrupt
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
