I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?