Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.