I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
