i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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