help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let's paint friendship bongs
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
