i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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