why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
