i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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