so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
