I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
