How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
