you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
