I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
