I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
