Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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