i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
