Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
