omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
