You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
