Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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