dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
