Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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