I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
