Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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