No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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