What did we do last night that was yellow?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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