Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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