i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently you make a good broom.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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