Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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