how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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