@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
