Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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