I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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