he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
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im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
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you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am