Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.