a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.