I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law