Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the vacuum is drunk

  (703): View more from Virginia

  what?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

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  (908): the vacuum is drunk (703): what? (908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk http://tfl.nu/sgxh
  Replies (17) Good night (2556) Bad night (506)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.

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  (908): im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me. http://tfl.nu/x53m
  Replies (6) Good night (451) Bad night (2301) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.

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  (484): Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud. http://tfl.nu/xhdj
  Replies (50) Good night (47621) Bad night (1256)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.

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  (708): so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone. http://tfl.nu/y8ai
  Replies (16) Good night (4465) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
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  (213): View more from California

  she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies

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  (213): she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies http://tfl.nu/m8ne
  Replies (33) Good night (2444) Bad night (4750) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.

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  (832): I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes. http://tfl.nu/wfe6
  Replies (34) Good night (633) Bad night (4219) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.

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  (240): You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool. http://tfl.nu/7f4d
  Replies (11) Good night (3656) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.

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  (443): There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic. http://tfl.nu/18x8
  Replies (31) Good night (1239) Bad night (4906) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!

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  (303): hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you! http://tfl.nu/45j7
  Replies (7) Good night (3422) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.

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  (505): Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold. http://tfl.nu/drpi
  Replies (6) Good night (1550) Bad night (614)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  if you just come over, i will entertain you

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment

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  (508): if you just come over, i will entertain you (484): arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment http://tfl.nu/zbb7
  Replies (5) Good night (732) Bad night (1160)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I want to take my head off and cuddle with it

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole

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  (832): I want to take my head off and cuddle with it (832): Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole http://tfl.nu/jldl
  Replies (7) Good night (1024) Bad night (502)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.

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  (717): I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again. http://tfl.nu/mwhq
  Replies (7) Good night (465) Bad night (1826) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?

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  (859): Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less? http://tfl.nu/3zmk
  Replies (5) Good night (1025) Bad night (218) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"

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  (651): Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?" http://tfl.nu/vsfp
  Replies (4) Good night (674) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt

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