If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"