: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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