I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.