do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house