I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
