i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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