Already got asked if we're dating
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
