my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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