i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
