You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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