his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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