it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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