if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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