You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
