i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
