I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
