Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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