well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
