I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
