yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
