six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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