He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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