Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
