I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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