she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
