My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
