since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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