I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
