Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
