she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
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Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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