It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The best revenge is premature balding
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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