well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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