Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
