i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
