According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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